Yaadein

Hari ini terover rajin nak kemas rumah and re-arranging furnitures in my apartment. Whilst rummaging through some boxes terjumpalah album lama masa belajar di UiTM dulu. Gambar-gambar dalam album membuat aku mengimbau kenangan lama especially insiden yang mencuit hati sampai aku tersenyum sorang-sorang. Antara incidents yang masih lekat dalam ingatanku ialah semasa dalam mass lecture, tiba-tiba our lecturer, Encik Rozalli tanya - "Awak tahu tak suara saya ni keluar dalam tv? Awak rasa rancangan ape?". There was a moment of silence dan aku berbisik dengan kawan aku kat sebelah - "Doraemon kut". "Hah, awak kata suara Doraemon?" Encik Rozalli tiba-tiba sergah. Satu lecture hall tergelak besar. Mula-mula tu muka merah padam jugak tapi lepas tu join gelak sekali, nak cover malu. Aku tak sangka walaupun aku rasa bisikan aku perlahan, dia dengar. Nasib baik lecturer ni memang sporting. Kalau tidak nahas aku kena buat squatting ke or kena halau dari hall.

Teringat juga vividly, lecturers lain yang left deep impact in my mind. Tuan Haji Ilyas yang ajar Political Science in 1st semester yang suka mencarut masa bagi lecture, sampai a lot of us especially female students kena cultural shock mula-mula tu. A couple of years ago, aku jumpa dia di majlis kahwin my ex-colleague. Dia nampak dah berumur sangat dan macam tak sihat aje. Then there was Encik Jamali yang ajar Law subject. A very simple guy but great mind. To get the students' attention, dia akan put up notice or announcement decorated with gambar celebrities or captions yang eye-catching. Sebak juga bila aku diberitahu yang dia meninggal keseorangan dalam office dia because of heart attack. There's one lecturer named Mrs Grace who taught me Organizational Behavior. She was enthusiastic when teaching that she tend to hop from one end of the classroom to another, macam Tweety Bird. Kadang-kadang tu rasa macam tengok tennis pulak when our heads turned from left to right back and forth throughout the class.

There was also an embarassing moment yang terjadi di library. Coursemate aku, Albert kalau bab subject political science memang tak boleh lawan tapi subject that deals with numbers dia memang out. Dia minta tolong aku tutor dia and we agreed to meet at the library. There was this ridiculous rules UiTM imposed at the library that male and female students tak boleh duduk bersebelahan. In spite of me telling him about this rule, he chose to ignore it and sat next to me. Tak sampai 10 minit, the librarian came and tegur us. Of course other students sitting at nearby tables nampak and dengar. Albert tersengih aje, aku memang dah malu sampai rasa merah telinga aku and gave him that "I told you so" look. Tambahan pulak librarian yang tegur tu memang cute and ramai female students minat, termasuk aku. Bukan minat ape, minat tengok aje, buat cuci mata.

Whilst flipping through the pages of the album, aku terjumpa dua helai kertas yang dilipat rapi terselit antara mukasurat album. Bila aku buka kertas tu, I was a bit surprised, dua helai surat dari secret admirer masa kat UiTM dulu. Aku rasa aku dah lama buang surat-surat ni especially when I found out his true identity. I did not reply to the letters sebab I prefer a guy yang berterus-terang about his intention rather than send anonymous letters. Bila takde response, I received the second letter which in summary stated that he didn't really care whether I was involved with someone or not, he will not give up among other things. Aik, bunyinya marah sangat. Masa tu aku rasa flattered tapi at the same time terdetik jugak kat hati - psycho ke mamat ni! Teringat aku kisah kakak aku kat matriks, bila mamat yang suka kat dia campak kerusi and tendang almari sampai pecah sebab kakak aku tak balas cinta dia. Walau bagaimanapun, I felt if this mamat was so determined in spite of his anonymity, maybe he's worth knowing. I was not seeing anyone at that time anyway.

I kept this to myself for a while until I casually shared this with my friend, Jijie and showed her the letters, Jijie said she recognized the handwriting. Jijie told me that the sender memang satu course dengan dia. She was actually involved with that guy until a couple of weeks earlier, for no reason the guy returned all the letters, birthday cards and gifts she gave to him and dumped her just like that. I do not know whether that guy dumped her because he felt he was sure that he could 'tackle' me but what he did to Jijie was enough to turn me off. Out of curiousity, I asked Jijie to show me the guy just to be sure it's the same person. Nanti serkap jarang pulak. Kebetulan that night when we went for dinner at the cafe, the guy was there. Bila I described the guy to my coursemate yang jadi mailman including accurate information about him which I've got from Jijie, he confirmed it.

One may fall in and out of love but in both situations, aku rasa kena jujur dan berterus-terang and do it in a civilized and respectful manner especially kalau nak putuskan hubungan dengan seseorang.